Tuesday 27 August 2013

Our Polite Society: 5 Things Being Polite Causes

1) Moving for people in the street.

You're engrossed in your music. Your phone goes off, you look down and tap away and then look up - oh shit, someone's going to walk into me. They think the same thing, spot the same thing and move to the right. But at that moment so have they. You move to the left. So do they. Now you're both standing in front of each other, moving, standing in front of each other once again. Until one of you has the balls to stop and you walk forward, embarrassed, flushed, screw my polite self. 

2) Saying 'Bye' Before The Train Door Opens


So you're on the train with your friend and your stop is coming up. You now need to stop talking about Saturday night, get up and head to the door. You do it with plenty of time. Wrap up. "Bye." Walk to the door. But you gave yourself too much time and now you have to stand awkwardly in front of the door. You look, the wide eyed "see you later" look and the doors still don't open. *Sigh* Then they do and you rush off, walk to the bit with the ticket and your friend whips past you again. Do you turn and say bye or simply walk? 



3) Joining Queues


You need to buy your toothpaste and the self-service machine is inches away from you but there's a queue - people standing one behind the other, waiting. So you join it. Naturally you join it. This has to be the queue for what you wanted. Why else would there be a queue? 

People in the UK are notorious for joining random ques. A few months ago my friend Sam and I joined a queue for the train and Sam noticed there was a self-service machine not being touched. He stood out of the queue and walked, bought his ticket and off he went. A shared look of disgust and fury came between all of those that stood in the queue. How dare this manic do the logical thing? 



4) Eating Food You Hate Because You Don't Want To Be 'That Person'


You're at a friends house and they're cooking lasagna but you hate lasagna  You love spaghetti bolognaise, they've seen you eat it hundreds of times but you hate lasagna  It's the sloppy texture, the fact that you have lettuce with pasta. But you don't want to be 'that person' so you sit there, miserably, sadly, eating something when you really want to vomit. 



5) Saying 'no' when you really mean 'yes'


It's Sunday. You're tucking into your chicken and roast potatoes, then someone says "does anyone want the last Yorkshire pudding?" A shared look of want fills each members eyes. Yes they want the last Yorkshire pudding. They just didn't want to be the selfish bastard that reached over and chucked it on their plate. Yes, of course, they want it. They all want it. But you've asked. They can't say "yes I do." So they say "no" and watch you eat it with a hint of hatred. 


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