Wednesday 15 May 2013

Five Reasons Why You're Single

"You can't get into a relationship," she said.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because you're my single friend, ever since I've known you you've been single and that can't change," she said.
"Oh," he said. 

1. You're socially awkward. You make Nazis jokes and find out your boss is German. You're the person that when you bump into someone in the street you always try and avoid them. You ask inappropriate questions and say inappropriate things. You're socially awkward.

2. You drink too much wine. When you go to the party you're the person that gets absolutely shit-faced and says things that you shouldn't. You're the person that wants Tequila when everyone has work at 8am the next morning. Nobody wants to take you home because nobody wants to take home somebody that can't walk...unless you want to date a pervert, in that case, you're in!



3. You've gotten to used to sleeping in the middle of the bed. When your one night stand turns into a snuggler you just want him out. You're used to spreading yourself out - doing the butterfly - but now he's clutching you, invading your side of the bed and snoring in your ear. Not cool man, not cool. 

4. You're terrified of commitment. You do what something but you're terrified. You exist much like a horse not being able to jump. You're in the race, you're running, but you're not jumping. You need to jump. Jump, Seabiscuit! 

5. You have a common misconception of what love is. You felt love before and now you think every love has to be that. You've already got your canvas, you've started the painting, you're not ready to start again, you want someone to come and join in but they won't, you have to start again. That's the point. 

(Note: There are no real reasons for why we're single, we just are, it happens, it's life. List is supposed to be the reflections - attempted comic reflections - but not accurate. You go Glen Coco! You rock the dating game!)

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