Seven Reasons Why Baths Suck

As a child, most parents force their children to clean. You don't want to but you have to. And the usual form of this cleaning activity is to have a bath. As a child I always hated them. I did the thing where you try to enjoy it - bubble bath, toys, throwing water around - no, it was all meaningless because I hated them. Here's why - even now in my adult years - I hate baths.

1. You're basically sitting in your own filth. You're allowing the water around you to creep up around your skin, shed the filth off it and then sit there and stew in it.

2. Because of reason one you have to have a shower afterwards - or before - and you're wasting money and time and soap. Why have a shower when you've just had a bath? Does that not defy the purpose?

3. Things bob. Yes, it's crude, yes it's too much information but there are certain aspects to a human's body that will naturally bob above the water and it's awkward and uncomfortable and unsettling and all you can do in that situation is stare.

4. It gets cold really bloody quickly. You've ran the water, you've dived in and a few minutes later you're cold and shivering and not having fun.

5. Your skin gets wrinkly. I admit this is fun when you're a kid, I always remember the Dennis the Menace film where the neighbor asks if he's wrinkly enough and he isn't yet but when you're older and age is something you worry about, I don't think you want to be wrinkly. 

6. What do you do? When you've finished scrubbing yourself, what do you actually do? You lay there? You think? Your mind is already a canon, why would you want to lay there and think for such a long time? Read a book? What if it slips? Watch a film? You could do that with clothes on. So I ask - what do you do?!

7. And finally, if you're not a relaxing kind of person, well, then this will be your nightmare.

(All views are the work of Thomas Stewart, the moody bastard who likes to write stories and reads books - not in the bath.)