The Curse of Morning Glory

I have never been one for non-fiction. There's a course that runs in my University but I never took it. Not just because you have to write about yourself - and I do that enough on here - but also because the idea of listening to true stories or articles just doesn't interest me. Fiction, even semi-autobiographical writing interests me. I enjoy it when writers use aspects of their lives in their novels and stories.


Anyway, there's this amazing site called Thoughtcatalogue which contains mini-essays, funny ones, sad ones, serious ones that are both non-fiction and fiction - I'm assuming fiction because some of them are very detailed and personal that it seems frightening that someone would be so open. I wrote a fictional mini-essay - attempting to be comedic - for the website but never heard anything back. Thus, I shall publish it here myself. The essay is called 'The Curse of Morning Glory'. Be warned - the word 'penis' crops up...

The alarm rattles. Your arm reaches from under your duvets and you swipe for the clock. The noise ends, finally, and you roll around, not wanting to get up. Then you feel it. That strong feeling between your legs. Yep, that’s morning glory, that’s your penis saying “Hello! I’m awake too!” You ignore it for a moment and it pulses. Even if you hate it – if you distrust this hardness between your legs – through sleepy eyes and ruffled hair you end up humping your bed, not properly, just against. But there are many things that can happen in this situation, many, many things.

What Happens When Your Roommate Comes in and Rips the Duvet off because You Told Him To.

Your anger is unjustified. You told him to come and wake you up but you have to make a quick decision. Snap decision – flip over! – it’s better he sees your ass than your erect penis. He would understand, it happens to him too, but you’re mid enjoyment/annoyance, you can’t share this moment.

Do I Go With It?

Your hands slip down. You’re tired. It’s early. You may have to be somewhere, you may not. Needless to say you have stuff to do in the day. Do you have time? If you’re roommate has just woken you up your time is limited. Your hand slips down. Should you go with it? But what about the mess? Masturbation, after all, is like murder – you gotta clean up the evidence.

The Loves and the Haters

Here you have the people who love their morning glory. They wake and think “hey, I might as well take advantage of this” or awaken with a thirst for release. Then you have those that find their thickening friend a burden, a curse. They ignore it, hoping it may go away and climb out of their bed. They try and hide it, sneak past their parents or their roommate and head into the bathroom. They stand above the basin and attempt to urinate, only to dodge the jolt. Then they think of grandma and it doesn’t work. So they step back and push it down, by doing this they sort of lift of the ground and the urine bounces off the toilet seat like stones thumping against a window.

The Return of Ignorance

There are those that will successfully ignore their morning glory and go about their day. They will be filing papers, taking notes, organising products, driving the car, crossing the road and then suddenly, ever so suddenly, they feel it – that rise, that jolt, that twitch and then it’s back, back with a vengeance. Now it will never go away.